New York, New York

Much to my bewilderment and under acheiving efforts to advertise I happen to get quite a few international visitors to this site. By quite a few, I mean about 30. The majority of these have recently come from the grand old US of A. Which is a coincidence because you America are on my mind. Always. And not in the sense that you WERE always on my mind...what use is that to anyone Elvis? We live in the present here so America you ARE on my mind. Not always, I can be flaky. Sometimes Canada and Ryan Gosling are on my mind. Sometimes, dare I admit it, France is on my mind...mainly because I am still trying to work out how to find Johnny Depp who is American so that's another point to you. I digress. As usual.

I happen to know a grand total of THREE people who live in America. One in LA, one in now I want to say Chicago (Naomi don't shoot me if I got this wrong your husbands a doctor who trained one place, got residency in another so I'm confused and the East coast is the same right?) and one in New York. I think one of these three is a potential blog reader. Naomi, you get credit. But I'm not sure that Scott 'it takes me three months to reply to a message my successful diary is THAT crammed' in New York is reading and if Michelle 'I left my twin in England and live in perpetual Sunshine' in LA is reading then she gets serious brownie points because it's unexpected. So who are the rest of you? Now I ask this question because well, a) I am genuinely interested and b) I am looking for a husband and or person who can get me a green card. Now I just realised that my applications to enter will be fucked the minute a good old Customs official or whoever makes these decisions stumbles upon the blog. But hear me out mean person with the right to say NO. Of course I want to live in New York. In New York I am not only an actress among thousands but I am an English/Irish actress with a convincing Mayo accent and red hair. I'm employable. Top of the morning to ya Mr Speilberg, now if you'll just tell me where to stand I'll hit with the emotional force of three Meryl Streeps (Irish) and four Judi Dench's (English). And I don't want to excite you but my Granddad was German so I've even got cultured European floating around in here or faschist Nazi, you decide. To top this off New York is surrounded by the thing I need most. No, not sandwiches. Sea. For my own mental health reasons I need to be by sea, hit by blustering sea winds and have at least five minutes of staring at sea available to me every day. The sea reminds me that I am in a vast world where possibility is just over that horizon...if only I could work out how to get there. Some people may find that the sky does this very same job for them but looking at the sky reminds me I am a speck in a large, overwhelming and utterly confusing Universe reminding me that I have entered and cannot seem to escape my Existential crisis. For more info on this, hunt out the post 'Losing my Religion' which on a side note seems to be the only post anyone is reading according to my meagre stats. On another rather depressing sidenote, I am so owned by consumerism that it just took me five minutes to look at the word Spec and Speck to figure out which was right. Now I'm not confident Speck is right but I know for sure that the first four letters for Specsavers is not the correct spelling. I also spent five minutes doing the word play of an advert on my morning commute this morning. I am owned by advertisers. Which brings me back to the existential crisis. See New York, I NEED you. So Mr entry to America man, say yes for the good of mankind. Or clownkind. Or one selfish, restless girl.

The problem is, the constant battering and belittling of clown school has left me with an insatiable need to put myself through pain and hardship and daily put downs. And New York, I've been there, you can provide all of this. Only, if I'm honest what I'd like is to live within you, do some theatre, win a Tony, get a nice indie film opposite any beautiful man, make some cash and get work on the coat tails forever. One of you readers can do this, I just know it. So this is my audition but really you have to see it to believe it and how can you see it from over there? That's right, you need me to get a green card. Picture Meryl and Judi together with a little German genius thrown in...Albert Einstein anyone?

As my good friend Alison predicted home would not bring anything but a restless need for the next adventure. London, I love you but it's a little old hat now. I need more.

Ps To those readers from Iran, Ukraine, Russia and the many other places that appear regularly to my delight and confusion I am not rejecting you it's just you can't offer me Jared Leto.