Dear Lynne

This week I received a letter from my local Lib Dem Mp, Lynne Featherstone. I thought it was so nice of her to take time out of her day to write little old me a letter that I decided to repay the compliment and reply in kind...

Dear Lynne,

In flat 1, there are many single people, well one single person and one cat, well sometimes there are two cats; occasionally there are three. In flat 1, there is one human and possibly three cats struggling to make ends meet. But it's so important that all humans and cats get equal opportunities in life, no matter what situation their parents are in. (Well, that's true of the cats but the human no longer lives with her parents, so I'm not sure if she deserves equal rights or not.) That's the sign of a fair society.

That's why the Liberal movement of stray cats have introduced free food for all waif and strays - which is proven to boost a cat’s performance in the subtle art of sleeping and being aloof.

I recently spoke to a cat mum of three, Memuna Abducatlady (I don't want to shout about it but she's erm...well...I don't want to say a ginger cat, but a cat of ginger heritage from the land of far-away peoples that we as the liberal movement of cats want you to know, we're totally cool with) - and both her and herself (cats are solitary) have benefitted. "It does me good," she said. "And it makes a big difference to my budget. It isn't easy to kill a mouse a day."

The Liberal movement of stray cats has also introduced a 'pupil premium' - which is funding towards lessons in how to kill mice, targeted at stray cats from disadvantaged backgrounds. Cat schools in Haringey have received an extra 19 million individual nuggets of dry food - which has paid for the energy to train mice killers and geography lessons such as 'which cat is allowed to spray here'.

There is still work to be done to give every cat an equal opportunity to get on in life. Measures like free food for all waifs and strays and the 'pupil "mice killing" premium' are a step in the right direction (provided you don't belong to the Society for the protection of neighbourhood mice) - they help make society fairer for cats as we exit the recession.

And remember - the previous 'Dog is God backwards' government had 13 years to introduce progressive measures like this for cats - but they wasted their chance and failed to do so.

The Liberal movement of stray cats are committed to building a stronger economy, too (I'm not sure why there is a comma there but there is). My party and I want to balance the books by 2018.

Best,

Hannah Smith - MP for Flat 1