In Which she ponders the future...

Every now and then, or as I like to call it; Almost Daily, I have a little worry session. About something, anything, nothing. I think from discussions with my friends that it is a female trait. Some more than others. It is definetely a trait inherited from my mother but one that developed late. I used to laugh and smile smugly as my Mum and then my sister worried needlessly over things that may never actually happen. And then, well I guess I grew up and suddenly the art of over thinking every tiny thing until there was not only a problem but several became my new way of life. So whilst I am happy and enjoying life and school in Paris I have taken to looking to the future. This also comes with the fact i'm almost 28 amongst a class of just finished University, fresh faced, young actors. Alright, I know. Twenty eight. Big deal. But see, now this is where my brain creates problems that don't exist. Because the latest subject I have taken to worrying about is that I won't have the lifestyle, the house (see picture), the career in time to start having babies, which I have convinced myself must start at 33. I have a very clear idea of my goals, I have had for a long time but all of a sudden I doubt the plausibility, whilst putting myself through the training which is putting me a step closer to achieving them. What? You mean be happy? Enjoy myself in the moment and trust everything will happen in it's own good time? Don't be ridiculous. Because of course having an idea of when and what should happen will mean I can control the future even though having babies rests on actually being in a relationship at the time the urge takes you, getting the acting career I want involves chances and hard work all of which take time, writing a novel means actually writing a book. Oh and completing my training means actually doing something to raise the funds. So rather than getting my head down to the hard graft it is capable of and waiting to see where this ride takes me, including whether I get to have babies or not I'd rather worry now about things I can do nothing about this second and waste the fun and opportunities in front of me.

Someone please remove my brain and replace it with images...it would be as about as useful as it is to me now. Daydream, daydream, daydream. Always the future, never the now. Now chill the fuck out and go to sleep.