Ooh yeah, just a little bitty more

Look at that, she wants it, look, breasts out. Shameless wench being all sexual. Look at the baby getting his. Oh yeah, she loves it. That's just so sexual and inappropriate, look at that baby sucking his mummy and in MY FACE too. Sex sex sex. It's all about sex. I mean you might as well just get your willy out and start having sex that's how inappropriate that is. 'What? What do you mean I've had sex with my mum? I was a baby when I was breast fed...yeah but it's different, she's got her nipple out on the bus. It's not breast feeding I mind, just don't do it in front of me, it's like me getting my willy out in public. Well, no, you can't feed off my willy...but still. Well yes, a willy is for weeing and having sex so it's either toilet or sex but breasts are for sex.'

NO. In fact. Breasts are for feeding. Somewhere along the line breasts have been turned into a sexual object. By...yep, you guessed it. Men. You know those vessels of wisdom who tell women what their bodies are and how to dress/use them. Remember. Because it's their right as men, who don't forget are better and cleverer than us, to tell us what we are and how to behave.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with breasts being enjoyed for sexual pleasure but I do if we can't separate them from that when it comes to feeding babies in public. It's not right that they've been sexualised so much that a breast feeding woman is made to feel like she's flaunting herself, if she god forbid needs to feed her baby when she's out of the house. I've had the argument, from a man, that a woman breast feeding on the bus was tantamount to him having sex on the bus. Which suggests the act of breast feeding is sexual. Which means most of us have engaged in sexual relations with our mothers. Without our consent. Rape. Rape! My Mum's a paedophile.

Yes. It is ridiculous. Grow up.

Let's explore this subject further. When a woman gets dressed in the morning, I can assure you men, you're right, all she's thinking about is sex. Did you know the average woman thinks about sex every three seconds. In fact, sometimes it's such a struggle to get through the day and get anything done for all the thinking about sex we do. So when a woman opens her wardrobe to chose what to wear at the very top of her mind is sex. What says, 'yeah baby, I want to have sex with you, slightly chubby drooling man with the sweaty brow, smirking at me like you KNOW I want it' most? And of course this is the reason we wear skirts that show off our legs, or tight clothes, or low cut tops. To tell you we want sex with you and we want it RIGHT now. So do your worst rapist. Do your worst. We love it we do. Just ask your wife who has been too tired or busy to have sex with you for the past month, in fact check her pockets because she must be having an affair. Remember that low cut t-shirt she wore out the other week, the one you thought she looked nice in? That was an invite to men, so someone must have 'got it' that night. Trully.

I would be happy to wager that 90% of women get dressed for themselves and or other women. Now, I don't want to shock anyone with my prudishness here but I don't find women in the least bit sexually attractive, breast feeding or not. But I enjoy looking at a well dressed woman. I like to see an nice outfit that's been put together well and I like to see a woman wearing clothes that fit her nicely, or show off her shape. I spend an awful lot of my day analysing peoples clothes and rating outfits and wondering 'where did she get that top?' and shaking up my current wardrobe into different combinations of outfits, often inspired by someone I've seen. I also appreciate seeing a well dressed man. I find men sexually attractive. At no point when I see a mans clothes do I think 'yeah he wants it, look at him showing a bit of chest hair and spindly legs. Flaunting himself'. Even those special breed of men proudly flaunting their fat naked bellies.

Why is it only women get held up for using clothes as a signal for sex? Or easiness? I don't have an answer to this question but it does genuinely fascinate me. Now, do not get me wrong, a bare chested Jared Leto in all his washboard stomach glory does indeed quicken my pace and get the hormones whirling and yet at no point have I genuinely believed this to be an invite to sex tantamount to a red rag to a bull. I've even met him in the flesh and found I was able to control my limbs and not grab him in an attempt to throw him to the ground and mount him like the horny beast he is seemingly screaming to me that he is. So why, when a woman is raped is the fact that she was wearing revealing clothes held up as an excuse? What did she expect?

It trully fascinates me that in this day and age women's bodies and women's clothes and babies food is debated and judged and imposed upon by men. And even worse, other women. Poor old Emmeline Pankhurst would be turning in her grave at how little we've progressed in equality since the vote was given. I mean flip it whichever way you like, we don't decide what's an appropriate way to dress, men do. And as one male friend recently asked 'who made the rule up about not giving out on the first date? I mean it's ridiculous. Someone tell girls it's good to give out on the first date.' Well that men, is of course, your job.

But can you tell me which colour suits me best? That is the question.

But please, no honestly, what do I think? No, I'm asking you, tell me, I'm too female and stupid to decide by myself.

Now where was I? Oh yes sex, sex, sex. Would you like a beer darling? I'll fetch that. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex...
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