Biopics

Before I say anything, I have to confess the two films that sparked this rage in me, I have not seen. In my defence, they haven’t even been released yet, sheesh. I am sure I won’t see either of those films when they are released. So call me un-researched. You are categorically CORRECT. However, this doesn’t matter as here, right now, I speak of opinions. This is mine, I hope, it’s also yours. If it isn’t then we can never be friends. Okay, never is a strong word…but it makes the odds higher or is that lesser, I don’t bet. Sue me. No, please don’t, I have more than Jay Z’s problems already.

I HATE, yes I am going with HATE, biopic’s about people that are still alive or only just dead. The Queen. Dame Helen National treasure Mirren. Zero Dark Thirty. DIANA. I repeat, DIANA! As if we need Naomi Watts pretending to be the most photographed and still most talked about woman of my generation. Why would an actor do it to themselves? You will only ever look ridiculous, with the exception of Queen Meryl Streep. If you can pull off Maggie Thatcher’s voice from young to old and want to show her looking like an invalid, carry on, as you were. Plus, you are Meryl Streep. I’d watch if you decided to do a film about a woman painting her flat. And I mean, rollers plain white wash, not Picasso. Heck, I even watched Mama Mia. And sincerely, thanks for that one Meryl.

But UNLESS you happen to be Meryl Streep, then step away from the biopic about killing Bin Laden. Every time I see that clip of that actress, whoever she is (I said I wasn’t about research), screaming ‘BIN LADEN!!!’ in the ‘Zero Dark Thirty’ trailer, I burst out laughing. How is it not ridiculous? If that character is based on a real woman then how is it not laughable to watch an actor pretend to be her when she hasn’t even spoken? It’s like the Queen, crying in bed over the press. ‘Something that is more imaginative than a swear word’ off. I don’t need to see an Actress pretending to be the living Queen to know that the real Queen has emotional responses to life. And if you do…well…I’m not saying anything *Sings to herself in a totally unrelated incident: ‘We are never ever getting back together’…except remove the word ‘back’.

Please, creatives, please, can we just agree that until a million and one documentary’s have been produced and many a year has passed (more than 15), we will leave real life people and events alone? It just makes a not funny situation, very, very funny. It’s never done well. Flight 93, my gaze may have just slightly settled on you. Of course, Air Crash Investigation, I am not talking to you. As you were.