If I was a famous musician...

...I imagine that I'd be happy releasing this. And by famous musician, I of course mean, a famous musician when he was a spotty 13 year old. What was he thinking? What are his fans thinking by not being cross about it? It's not acceptable. The man is a legend, a great. Sure, he's been having a nice break and he's rusty but even 13 year old spotty David Bowie would not have been happy with this offering. It's as if it was written by someone who has no real music knowledge; not a man like Bowie who has defined music. I got a train, bet you didn't know I could do that, walking the dead. 

That's right David, I didn't think that like 'normal' people you were capable of getting on a train. I mean, how would you get through the process of QUEUEING? You? Queue. And that's right, being on a train is EXACTLY like walking the dead. No one talks and everyone stares blankly, just like the dead, I hear.

Hang on, sorry, I seem to have stepped into a lift...no, wait, that was the introduction. 

Now for the sake of comparison, here is an example of a nine year old writing his own song. Watch. Then watch Bowie again. 

Now already I have offended one person with my 'God complex' for being totally and utterly, immovably convinced that my opinion in this matter is 100%, unequivocally correct. I mean, sure she might have a point there. Turns out that Bowie fans are as easy to enrage as Justin Bieber fans. Cue maelstrom of Twitter hate. But let me put it this way; it makes me angry that fans accept and fawn over dross like this, pay money to add dross like this to their Bowie collection and then, happily fork out hundreds of pounds to watch five, rubbery old men, belt out hits mingled with dross like this. It's not acceptable ever for an artist to give anything but 100%. Especially one like Bowie or the Stones because people will pay for it. People with not much money, will throw hundreds of pounds to watch them and HOW are they not angry at this fact?

Bowie in the early days as an unknown newbie would never have added this to an album, let alone release it as a single, so why is it okay for him to do so now? Is it laziness? Is it delusion? Whatever it is, it's not okay. Because, and I can't repeat this enough, people will pay for it; part with well earned cash for it. 

Now, I am not just angry at Bowie here. I am angry at the Stones, Elton John, Paul McCartney, Bob Dylan...the list goes on. If you don't want to put the work in that you put in in your twenties then sit back and enjoy your millions. But leave my ears and my friends wallets out of it. Someone on my Facebook page wrote 'Any music from Bowie is better than none' Really? Is that what it all comes to? You were once great and that gives you Carte Blanche to do what the hell you like now? Because I think there are a few TV stars from the seventies who believed that too and we all know where that led. And before you get your knickers in a Ziggy Star shaped twist, no I am not comparing bad music with paedophilia, it's a joke. But it is BAD. Almost as bad as paedophilia.