Dad, Mum, all male relatives and anyone who likes to retain an air of mystery do NOT read this entry

So today I had my first professional bikini wax. I know. I'm 27. WHY has it taken me so long? Well money mainly. Mmm Hmm. Yes I am a student. Living in Paris. No. I haven't been a student before. And I never lived in Paris. Which by now we should have established is THE most expensive city in the world. Bar NONE. I mean the cheapest pint is £4. And that's in a bar no one but students would EVER enter. So why now? Well two reasons. Which are basically one reason. I haven't seen my boyfriend in two months. It's not like i'm single and well...you never know. I have a boyfriend. But he's 500 miles away. The chances of him turning up on my doorstep out of the blue are zero. Mainly because I live with my employer and he couldn't get her email or phone number for permission without asking me. So I'm safe. I know there are no surprises. But when I first moved here we thought he might be coming within the month, then possibly in two months. Then it became obvious money was a bigger issue than either of us had anticipated. So i knew he wasn't coming. The bikini line by now is a little out of control. But what if he comes in three weeks and I do it now? Because then it will be too short to wax but too long for a boyfriend. Fullstop. Especially one I've not seen in a long time. So I held out. But he comes to Paris next weekend. I looked at the situation and realised that by now it was far too painful for me to do anything about. I may not have mentioned this yet but I have NO will power. And my pain threshold is ridiculous. If it's going to be painful then someone else is going to have to do it for me. So after recommendations by both a French friend and Australian friend (who took said French woman's advice) I booked myself my first professional Bikini wax. I was told that as it was organic wax made of Sugar and lemon it would be even more painful. So me and my friend decided to go together for support. And she's had many bikini waxes but even she was nervous. Sugar is supposed to be horrible. sugar, lemon and water. LEMON. Anyway, after looking at the prices and thinking what was more realistic for me to maintain as I have no money I decided the Semi-integrale was the best option. And then I got in the room and the Beautician tried explaining to me in FRENCH that semi meant the lips still have hair. Fine by me, when am I ever gonna be brave enough to do them myself?? But what I heard was 'a Semi covers the top bit only, all the sides etc are not covered.' So in a moment of panic I told her to do a full integrale. Little did I know this means EVERYTHING but the smallest patch at the top. I won't explain top of what, you all know. And I'm not complaining. Except it cost more. But the PAIN. OUCH. I was thinking she'd get all those neglected areas and then next time it will be way easier for me to do myself. But I am NEVER doing that to myself. OWWW to the Mother F**king OWWW. I can't even think of a rhyme because I'm still burning. However I am pretty. Although, one lips bigger than the other. Who knew?! Well now I understand all those pre pubescent 'Dear Deidre's' I read when I was a teen.

Anyway, I'm just gonna sit still...