J'Adore Londres

Paris. Great. Brilliant. Enjoying it. But London. LONDON. Nothing beats it. It really is my home. And I miss it. Not even the people in it (although of course I miss them too) but just the city. She is an absolute bitch. And London is definately a 'She' because her type of meanness is too cunningly clever to be a Man. Excuse sexism here but I think we can all agree that girls are much better at psychological cruelty. There are exceptions, of course. But men tend to be mean in more obvious ways.And London is cruel, unwelcoming, overly large, exhausting and bloody expensive. But she is without doubt better than any other city in the world.
Let's compare Paris and London:
1) Paris is small. London is big.
2) Paris Metro is efficient, fast, on time, only two floors underground and mobile phones work. London's underground is dirty, late, overcrowded, deep underground and mobiles don't work. Now you may think that surely Paris wins this round. Wrong. Mobile phones can be used to detonate bombs...clearly a health and safety risk. Paris Metro has no personality or drunk people. The seat covers are dull and not bright blue and orange. Nobody interracts at all (apart from men who use the opportunity to pick up women). You think they don't in London but in comparison London Underground is a massive party. The seats don't go along the outside making things more crowded and people don't move to let people fit inside the carriage. Plus everyone is French. Enough said. London wins again.
3) Paris is dirty. London is dirty.
4) The Seine has nothing along it. No bars. No Theatres. No. Nothing. Just historical buildings and Apartments. The Thames has Theatres, galleries, bars, restaurants, offices, historical buildings and Apartments.
5) In Paris everything is spread out. There is no real centre. In London the centre is only a square mile and it covers EVERYTHING. Bars, shopping, The Royal family, Houses of Parliament, Theatres etc.
6) Paris has Sarkozy and the Witch. London has The Queen.
7) In Paris you see no low flying planes. In London low flying planes pass over head constantly.
8) In Paris people dress boring. In London people dress outrageously.
9) Paris has a boring type of weirdo, lots of weirdos but they are all the same. They are called men. London has a fantastic variety of weirdos in both sexes.
10) Paris beer costs over £5, the most expensive being £10. London beer costs over £3, the most expensive being £4.50

Let's round up the scores: Paris 1 London 10. And Paris get's it's one point for drawing on dirtiness. See conclusive. London is better.

And next week I tear apart New York with my American students.