Notes from a sick bed (one of my many)

Today finds me, as many other days in my Lecoq history have, in my
death bed. Sorry sick bed. I have never been as ill as many times as the past two years. With illnesses I don't think even exist in the real world. Today I have some kind of Gastric bug which finds me with terrible stomach cramps, loose bowels, extreme HUNGER, yes HUNGER (how is that possible?!), swollen glands, the threat of fever every few hours, achy and tired. This to me does not sound like a real illness. Does it sound like one to you? I have eaten more today than in the last week and still I want more. Each bout of eating is followed by extreme pain and either loose bowels (this morning) or blocked bowels (this evening). I have not vomited. Thank goodness. Although the thought of eggs (not the Chocolate kind) makes me want to. Why do I think of them you ask? Because I am still hungry and have run out of food options in my fridge.

Yesterday I had no real appetite and nausea as well as slight stomach cramps, near feverishness and real weakness. Sunday I had chest pains and was short of breath. Not Asthma short of breath as both my peak flow read as normal and my inhaler had no effect. This is the third or maybe fourth week of term, I've lost count already. I have been off one day of all of them. Only one of those was planned as my sister was here. The rest have been a migraine, a cold/flu/asthmatic type thing and this weeks...four weeks it is. Maths is a wonder isn't it?

Oooh no because last week I was there ALL week. I really was. Is that five weeks then? Whatever, I never said I was Einstein.

Last week however I was not in a mentally happy or motivated state. I had given up, couldn't care, wanted to just finish. Then the weekend came and I rested and got sick and by Sunday night was ready and raring to go, except for the trouble breathing and the early signs of the stomach cramps which caused me to sit out of both classes yesterday and the rehearsal for this Friday's performance. Of which this week we already have a good idea and were working well to find more and yet I couldn't actively participate, nor apply all the things I had decided to apply to this weeks final week of Clown. And today finds me at home. And even if I make it to school tomorrow my health will still be delicate and therefore the energy required will be lacking. One step forwards, two years backwards.

So why the constant illness? Is it mental you ask. In a way, yes. In many others, no. I think my complete lack of immune system is down to being at a very physically demanding school, of which I have always had to then work alongside when really all anyone should do outside of school is sleep. Add to that abject poverty and an inability to eat vegetables or fruit due to the expense. So I live on heavy carbs, meat and sugar with the odd lettuce leaf thrown in. Add to that the emotional roller coaster that has been school, my personal life, abusive men in street (see pictures of me after being punched in the face in earlier post) and of the constant worry about money. Add to that the fact I work with children who are not only physically and mentally exhausting they are also more deadly than cancer...how many diseases do these things carry...reproduction is a myth invented by Aliens whose sole aim is to exterminate us all, one cold and chicken pox at a time. For Aliens read God. This is the formula required to almost kill off a very pale ginger girl. Except, despite all my little battles from the sick bed I am still alive. Mwah ha ha. And I only have eight more weeks left in this toxic environment (funny how I can suddenly count when it's weeks towards the end of term but not the reverse). You can't kill me yet Lecoq. No Sir. I am a survivor and the world better watch out because I have had so many different diseases I am almost a walking, talking, living vaccine for everything you can throw my way. Heartbreak? I don't have a heart, I swapped it for a metal lie detector. Common cold? I'm working on it by overproducing mucous as a basic rule so I don't even notice it anymore. Loneliness? I found DVD box sets and Twitter. Constant criticism? I found God then found him to be too critical, rejected him back and discovered true enlightenment...bitterness and a sense of being better than everyone else works wonders. For a quick course in this enlightenment take a weekend trip to Paris...never again will you feel bad about yourself. Headaches? I found throwing more red wine at them would at least send you to sleep and thus help you to forget the pain. Back ache? I'm afraid nothing you can do for this one but lie still on the floor and eat chocolate. In fact always eat chocolate, even when you could better use that Euro buying a piece of much needed fruit. And lastly, take the opportunity of constant illness to spread the love and infect as many French people as is possible. This one hasn't worked due to my adverse reaction if I get near one, I find I instantly develop Tourettes. Although this does insure I leave Paris intact for you to come on one of those enlightenment weekends of which I have had two years. I am almost close to Godly.

And on that note and with a big groan as I bend over double with yet another cramp, I'm going to search out more food to feed this weird hunger gastric disease...I heard Yogurts supposed to be good for a delicate tummy...here goes...